December 15, 2011 At the barber shop |
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A brisk 2 mile walk, it was 26° when I left the house, took me my friendly neighborhood barber. As I swung open the door, Jerry’s usual “Morning Bill” greeted me. He was just finishing his 9:10 appointment. I took a chair, scanning through the stack of Outdoor Life, Modern Farmer and other magazines interesting to Jerry’s largely rural clientele. I had hardly settled in when Jerry asked me if I had walked over. I said I had, it was cool but very sunny, a nice walk. Jerry continued that he thought exercise was a good thing. He then proceeded to tell us about a conversation he and his wife had had a few days ago. She had told him that after the first of the year they would be starting a walking routine. “We have to start doing more exercise, we’re not getting any younger”. As Jerry brushed off the 9:10 appointment, he pulled the cloth from the client. There 9:10 was, as big a man as I have seen in a long time. Sure, with the barber cloth I could see the huge jowls and fat hanging from his chin. But with the cloth gone, man, what a gut! He stood up; had he been outside, he would have blotted out the sun. 9:10 handed Jerry a check, lumbered around and headed for the door. He moved quickly, more quickly than I would have guessed possible, and was soon at his car. I put down my magazine and headed for the barber chair. “He gave me a $3 tip. He always gives me a $3 tip. You know, he doesn’t have a job. I’ve been cutting his hair for years, his dad before him, and he doesn’t have a job. His wife works and he has two kids, they live in an apartment. Why doesn’t he keep the money he gives me for a tip?” I eased myself into the chair; the cloth was thrown around me and fastened, a little too tight, as usual. “And he weighs more than 500 pounds!” “I wondered why the chat about exercise”, I interjected. “It was convenient, you walking in and all. It was obvious that you had walked over, like you usually do.” “He said he has interviews but no one calls him back. And him, with an accounting degree and all from DU. Would you hire him, him being so ugly fat and all?” I let Jerry’s sputtering die down a bit. Ducking the question, I offered a snarky shot at Gingrich, a dangerous proposition to antagonize a conservative who will soon have a razor at your neck, but worth a shot. Jerry grunted and stood his ground. “Would you hire him?” Trapped, no place to go, I said, “If he knew his stuff, sure. . .” “Well I wouldn’t. I knew his dad and his dad would be pissed about that weight. I know they stretched to send him to college. And what’s he doing, while his wife works – probably sitting on the couch and eating pizza.” I knew chances were slim for a diversion but I tried a Romney cheap shot. A few moments delay and magically he changed into conservative Jerry, replying “I suppose Obama is going to take credit for winning the war”. Back on ground worth fighting over, we plunged into familiar parry and thrust. |
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